update at last!

So I am still hanging in there and will be 23 weeks preggo tomorrow. We have picked Godparents for the baby and things are just moving along. I get another ultrasound in less than two weeks. I went to see the maternal fetal medicine doctor last time and he actually told me I could continue nursing!! So we started nursing again!!!!!!! It makes us both so happy and he said there was no reason for us to stop at this time, yes it would cause cramping but as long as my cervix wasn't changing it was fine!! J went right back to nursing like a champ! I still get all teary eyed thinking about his birthday coming up and knowing when I nurse him that morning it will be two years that I have been nursing him!

1DPO and day one blogging!

So I think I am one DPO (days past ovulation). Not 100% sure since I only got a sort of positive on my OPK on Monday afternoon. I am going to go with Wednesday for my big O! lol Just feeling really impatient and terrified. I don't want to lose another. Sometimes I feel so scared I feel we shouldn't have even tried again. I wonder so often how people have taken one loss after another. I wasn't convinced we should have been trying when we lost the last one and now I forever will carry that guilt around that I wasn't convinced that I wanted the baby. I was miserable at first and just as soon as I was adjusting the baby was gone. So now I live with that guilt.

Here is some background since I am just starting this. I am J, I am 31, just for a couple of weeks! lol I have a DH, R (husband -for those not up witht his lingo!). Then I have twin sons, A and C from my first marriage. They just turned 4 a couple months ago. Then I have J, my 17, almost 18, month old son. Also I have my little sister who is almost 18 that lives with us, L. Are you following all this so far?

I am a SAHM, stay at home mom. (Boy, it seems like a lifetime ago that I learned all these terms now I use them like nothing and have to explain them to others!). DH is a driver for construction company. L is a lifeguard. A and C are in headstart. I am also the chairperson for the headstart council program here. I do a ton of other things too, more will come on that in time.

So how was that for my first blog post? I am not 100% sure about my plan for this, right now jsut want a place to express stuff and have to document my journies, in life, ttc. . .