Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Tale of Two Social Networkers. . .

So being its Memorial Weekend (almost) I thought I would share a story of three years ago around this time. I think its going to take more than one post so this is just the first part.

I have to start a little before that though, maybe in January or so. I decided I was ready to date again after a bad marriage. I put a lot of thought into it. My boys were about to be 1 year old. My thought were two fold, 1) I was thinking that since the boys were so young in the event that I had to kiss a few toads to find my price at least they wouldn't remember and 2) that in the even I found my prince I hoped that the boys would just remember him always being around (and that MY prince, well our prince really, would want to raise the boys as his own) as dad.

So being that even after working outside the home for a while I hadn't had any prospects, even though I wasn't really looking yet, I decided that I needed some help. I joined an internet dating site. I found a couple guys I briefly dated, some I met, some I only talked to. More than anything I just got hurt, not too bad though, but any hurt is enough. I think the reason was I was looking for the wrong guy! I thought that someone that had at least a child of their own would more understand what I was going through, that didn't end up being the case. I actually got stood up on my birthday and while at the bar that night with friends ran into an old friend from high school who tried to introduce me to a guy who looked a little more than slightly intoxicated but I paid no attention to him, didn't look like my type.

So around this time three years ago I had a realization; it had two parts. When I first started dating, or decided to at least, American Idol was on, Season 5 I believe. It was when they first show people trying out and highlight some. Chris Daughtry was one of those people. They told this whole little story about how he raised his girlfriend's kids as his own, and how she loved him so much, blah blah blah. I remember at the time telling my mom I needed my own Chris Daughtry! The other part of my realization was I thought I wanted someone like my step-father, yes, the man that I spent quite a lot of time hating growing up, or "dis-liking strongly" at least! He is definitely someone I would consider "a dork," some that I would think people would wonder why my mom was with him or how he got so lucky. (Of course she thinks he is amazingly sexy, and remembers him coming into high school to see his then current girlfriend with a motorcycle helmet and chest hair sticking out of the top of his shirt! more on chest hair later!) The point is though that he adores her! He would do anything for her and also loved her enough to love me too, even when I was difficult and "dis-liked him strongly!" So I thought if I could find my own "dork" that maybe didn't get a lot of luck with the girls he would think I was great! I know, it sounds terrible!

So of all places I went on myspace. Now, I do not condone my actions, I lucked out, God watched out for me. Internet dating can be dangerous, but there are safe ways to do it, not my ways though! I went looking for a man with certain age restrictions (don't remember what now), height, and asked for "children someday," I wanted them to want children, but not have any yet. So I got a bunch back from my criteria and then went through looking for the dorkier, or shall we say, "not as loved by the girls?" So then I sent out friend requests, I started with maybe 20 requests, knowing not everyone would accept. I wasn't sure the plan from this point though! So on May 29, 2006 I got a comment left for me that said "bandwith exceeded" from photobucket. Now I was still pretty new to myspace and stuff so I didn't know what it meant. So I sent a comment back to the guy saying that his comment didn't come up. He sent a message back and said he could see it and wasn't sure why. Here is the text from our first few messages (after I said I couldn't see the comment):

yeah that is weird beside it being to hot out i had a good weekend how was yours

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: not just a pretty face for ur top8Date: May 29, 2006 4:11 PM

hmmm, thats funny I still can't see it. I am sure it will reset itself eventually and then I can see it too. Hopw you had a good holiday weekend.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: RDate: May 29, 2006 7:05 PM

i just looked its there. i dont know. i was. Thanks for the add

So then we were answering bulletins and getting to know each other that way. So then we had a funny little exchange about the bulletins and I asked if he used any messengers. He said he did and we started talking that way. I remember coming home from work and getting right on while the kids were eating to chat with him. Looking back our conversations were really funny. It was as if we were both trying to flirt with each other but do it it in a fun "joking" way so that if the other party wasn't wanting it to lead that way, it was OK, because we were just playing. Like their were these little animated icons that said funny flirting things and we would say "hey, check this one out. . .lol!" Then it grew somehow into something we started saying about "no kisses for you" from one of those icon characters that blew kisses. I remember thinking I would just keep doing it all in a fun way so that if he didn't really like me it was OK, because he would just think I was joking then. Turns out he was just a year ahead of in high school. We didn't travel in the same circles though so we didn't know each other. I did think though that since he went to my high school and knew a lot of people I knew, had a good job, he had two cars and a motorcycle (which I cleverly found out by asking, saying I could save him money since I sold insurance!)

So I was thinking I wanted to meet him, so on Saturday, June 3, 2006, we were chatting that night and started asking what the other one was doing that night. I, of course, was staying home with the twins. He said he didn't "think he was going out," so I said "well if I asked you to come over do you think you would want to" and he said yes in some clever way so we made plans. He came over that night, but only after exchanging phone numbers in case anything came up in the meantime. I had to get the boys to bed and stuff. I did have to text him and push it back a little. So then I was in our bathroom and noticed a truck outside just sitting there with him in it, I called him and told him to come in laughing at him. I met him at the front door. He came in and sat down and we watched TV. He didn't talk much so I talked incessantly! He finally left probably around 1am, I thought he was sweet but was slightly annoyed he hadn't talked but hoped that funny, flirtly guy that had been chatting with me was in there someplace. I loved he didn't try to kiss me when he left.


Mike and Katie said...

At first I read the title as "...Two Social Workers" and thought it had something to do with the adoption process! I really better go to bed!

Praying for you as you grieve and hoping you get relieved from jury duty.