Some people can be so insensitive. I think a lot of it is from "the system" of everything but it still hurts when you are in a situation like mine. Here is what I experienced last week as an example.
I had a WIC appointment scheduled for the day after I delivered Samuel, while I was still in the hospital. My mom (or maybe my aunt, not sure who) called to cancel it for me and specifically told them what had happened. They said how sorry they were and all that and I could call to reschedule when I was ready. Well, I was finally ready last week so I called. The woman said she would grab my chart and put me on hold. She came back and asked when my due date was!!! Seriously? Did the last woman not think to maybe put a kind little note on my chart to let people know what had happened? So then I had to tell her and she had to play the whole "I am so sorry, blah, blah, blah" role. And then went on to tell me I needed to bring "proof" when I came. Like what lady? "Something from your doctor or soemthing, don't you have anything from your doctor?" NO! When they send you home empty handed without your baby in your arms or your belly they don't give you a note to provide to idiots to show proof that your baby passed away. I asked if the obituary would do, she hemmed and hawed and finally said she "thinks so!" So we will see when I go in just a little while how this works out. If I have to explain it all again, I very well might go postal on them. It is Monday after all, which means 5 weeks ago since Samuel and I got sick, 4 weeks since I delivered him, and 3 weeks since the funeral.
Monday, November 30, 2009
people can be so dumb!
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8 comments:
I'm so sorry.
I swear I hate WIC! I know hate is a strong word, but I hate it! And about when people asked you about Thanksgiving, I know what you mean about wondering if you should be honest or not. After my first husband died, when people asked me how I was, I didn't want to say, "Oh, fine!", but I also didn't want to go into the whole thing about how he committed suicide and all. It was a real catch 22. I finally just learned to say, "I'm hanging in there!" which was about as good as it got for a while.
I'm sorry people don't think. People say all kinds of things and while I know most aren't trying to cause pain it still can cut to the core. I avoided seeing people at all for the first 6 weeks. It's also really hard when friends and family around you expect you to have 'moved on'. You don't move on from the death of a child though- you learn how to live and joy does come again but I don't think life never returns as it once was. There have been times I have shared my thoughts when people make insensitive comments because otherwise they'll keep making them and I'll feel like I'm about to explode.
Deep breaths....God is right there by your side hon...he knows your pain...he wont leave your side!
I just happened upon your blog today (not really sure how, but so glad that I did)
First let me extend my deepest sympathies for your loss. I know there are no words that can make you feel better, so I hope that just knowing someone deeply feels for your loss will suffice.
Second: WIC, my daughter gets to deal with them on a regular basis and the only conclusion I have been able to draw about them is that they apparently employ the insensitive and ill equipped. Someone should have made a note in your chart when your family members called to cancel your appointment if for no other reason than to spare you the agonizing heartache of having to explain it yet again to someone with a brain apparently the size of a pea.
At any rate, I sometimes wonder just what people would say if we ever answered their questions honestly? Maybe it would make them engage their brain before their mouth, or maybe they just would continue in their oblivious way.
Take care.
i have just read your last couple updates and am torn to pieces for the loss of your dear sweet boy. i wish i did not know about that kind of pain but we are in the same club. i did not realize how brutal the questions and comments can during the early days following such a trajedy. i wish you strength and courage as you heal.
i am so sorry for your loss. unfortunately people who have not suffered such a tragedy will never know how hurtful certain questions and comments can be. i am part of the same club as you and completely understand you tender state. i wish you strength and courage as you try to heal from such a sad and life changing event. i am so sorry.
I'm sorry about your loss.
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