1DPO and day one blogging!

So I think I am one DPO (days past ovulation). Not 100% sure since I only got a sort of positive on my OPK on Monday afternoon. I am going to go with Wednesday for my big O! lol Just feeling really impatient and terrified. I don't want to lose another. Sometimes I feel so scared I feel we shouldn't have even tried again. I wonder so often how people have taken one loss after another. I wasn't convinced we should have been trying when we lost the last one and now I forever will carry that guilt around that I wasn't convinced that I wanted the baby. I was miserable at first and just as soon as I was adjusting the baby was gone. So now I live with that guilt.

Here is some background since I am just starting this. I am J, I am 31, just for a couple of weeks! lol I have a DH, R (husband -for those not up witht his lingo!). Then I have twin sons, A and C from my first marriage. They just turned 4 a couple months ago. Then I have J, my 17, almost 18, month old son. Also I have my little sister who is almost 18 that lives with us, L. Are you following all this so far?

I am a SAHM, stay at home mom. (Boy, it seems like a lifetime ago that I learned all these terms now I use them like nothing and have to explain them to others!). DH is a driver for construction company. L is a lifeguard. A and C are in headstart. I am also the chairperson for the headstart council program here. I do a ton of other things too, more will come on that in time.

So how was that for my first blog post? I am not 100% sure about my plan for this, right now jsut want a place to express stuff and have to document my journies, in life, ttc. . .